2026
Turning Uber’s most popular ride into the nation’s best getaway car. Product works best if you don’t say goodbye to your friends or coworkers or anyone at all. Uber (the “Company”) is not responsible for failed Irish exits. It is not by any fault of the Company that, upon attempting to leave, you got dragged into a 45-minute conversation about medallion status on Delta. The Company is similarly not liable for your medallion status being Bronze.
2021
A cookbook that requires no cooking. Each recipe ends in a QR code that directs to that food on Postmates near you. Hardcover. 200 pages. Yes it really works. Everyone who attended the 2021 Oscars got one. So it’s possible some well-known people have this book on their coffee table. Assuming people like Brad Pitt have coffee tables. I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been to his house.
2025
In NASCAR, drivers race really fast for money and fame. But at the 2025 Chicago Street Race, they were racing for Arby's Cheesesteak. At least that’s what it looked like to the 53,000 people in attendance and the 2.1 million viewers watching at home. And also to the drivers, who saw the signs as they raced around the track for 75 laps. I’d like to think this ruse made them chuckle, but I wasn’t in the car with them so I can’t say for sure.
2021
Sometimes when you’re really hungry, recreational swan boats look different. To reserve one in Echo Park, please visit wheelfunrentals.com/ca/los-angeles/echo-park and click the ‘Reservations are Required. Book Now.’ button. Unfortunately, the rotisserie chicken boat is no longer bookable. My guess is someone ate it. But that’s both speculatory and impossible.
2023
In 2021, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that college athletes could finally profit off their own name, image, and likeness. Creating a gourmet dijon mustard with University of Texas football player Bijan Robinson was the next logical step. The logical step after that was to get on national television multiple times for free. And after that, it was only logical to hold a featured panel at SXSW. And then it was logical to get on national tv again during the NFL Draft. Just goes to show, sometimes it’s smart to follow logic.
2023
Like a rookie card. But a mustard bottle. Limited run of 150. As typical with rookie cards, rookie bottles will retain their highest value if kept in uneaten condition. Rookie bottles are also included in select wholesale cases purchased by retailers. Just like rookie cards. But mustards.
2022
A western hat establishment offering an alternative to the 10-gallon hat. On National Day of the Cowboy, the hattery opened on South Congress Ave. in Austin TX. An online shop opened as well. Each hat style was named after a breed of mini horse. The limited run of 150 handmade hats sold out online in 3 minutes. That’s exactly what it’ll say if you click through to this project page. There will also be pictures of the hats and stuff. Despite being small, the hats wouldn’t fit in this description. Believe me I tried.
2023
A mustard-based tour tee. Luckily all the dates and cities line up perfectly with Bijan's Atlanta Falcons NFL game schedule. Not sure what we would’ve done if they didn’t. Probably cancel the whole tour? If even one date or city was off, that could’ve been catastrophic. But luckily they all line up perfectly, like I said above.
